I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
My Sexting was not on an AP level
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
