It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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