This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
