i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
