I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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