Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
