i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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