I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
