I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
