he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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