I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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