No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize