I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize