wrigley field is MILF paradise
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I AM VODKA MAN
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
