I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
