Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
