Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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