The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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