he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
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