some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Randomize
