oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
