i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
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