I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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