My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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