Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
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Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
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I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I forget how to act sober
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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