I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
false alarm, still single
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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