Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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