He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
