I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
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