How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
