There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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