Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I think my fart just growled at me.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
