IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
