I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
