I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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