This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
