Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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