I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
