I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
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