I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
