I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
