i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.