How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.