just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.