the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
