it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
