i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Houston, we have a blender
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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