I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize