k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
