he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
