Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Randomize
