No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
