No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
