hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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