Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize