Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
