you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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