we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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