Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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