you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
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