dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
We need to rekindle our bromance
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
