I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
